Why My Most Read Medium Article Concerns Me

Ghosting isn’t as mysterious as you might think

Photo by Syarafina Yusof on Unsplash

My most widely read Medium article is titled ‘Here’s How to Deal with People Who Are Ghosting You.’ According to Medium, it attracts approximately one thousand readers a week, which is pretty staggering to me. It’s an article that delves into why some people ghost others, without reason or rhyme. But it’s not so much the subject matter that concerns me, rather, that so many people are seeking advice on this matter. Has ghosting really become such a phenomenon? It seems the answer is yes.

When I wrote the article I had just come out of a brief but intense relationship. Ok, maybe relationship is not the right word, let’s call it a fling, although I loathe that expression — it makes it sound like we both shook hands while flying through the air in a half-twist summersault. The truth is, I felt a deep connection with this young woman, and I believe there’s a reason she ended up ghosting me in the end. I’ll get to that.

Like so many people who experience ghosting (the ghosted) I felt the gamut of emotions that are often associated with this silent rejection. But I mostly felt angry — angry that I could be so duped by a woman who I believed genuinely liked me, and that I was foolish enough to invest my emotions into a connection that ended up being so fleeting.

Photo by Diogo Nunes on Unsplash

Caught in a storm of emotions, it’s easier to vanish

I don’t pine for this woman, not now. I’ve moved on and accepted that it was nothing more than a wildly romantic, sensual, explosive, tender, and psychological meeting. But in retrospect, it was much deeper than she gave it credit for, deeper than say, two people getting drunk to let off some “steam” in the bedroom.

I recall after the lovemaking, our fingers tracing the contours of each other’s faces in the wan morning light. There was an undeniable tenderness we shared: kisses fluttered like butterflies over each other’s faces, eyelids, foreheads. I whispered, “I haven’t felt something like this in years.” And I meant it. She replied, “Me…